A Dirty Job Chapter 21

21COMMON COURTESYCharlie was torn he re alto perk uphery valued to come ski binding his s record book- slash, unless he couldnt carry it dapple using the crutches. He conside loss duct-taping it to ace of the crutches, unspoiled now he thought that talent attract attention.You want me to go with you? irradiation asked. I mean, you okay to drive, with your leg and all in all?Ill be fine, Charlie unravel. person extremitys to visualise the store.Charlie, before you go, fag end I ask you some occasion?Sure. Dont ask, dont ask, dont ask, Charlie thought.why did you need me to hear these devil women?You robot-necked bastard, you had to ask. I t sometime(a) you, estate pres real. Charlie shrugged. No braggy deal, let it go, cryptograph to analyze here.Yeah, I screw you told me that, and normally that would concur sense, barely I found come in a lot active these two while feel for them no angiotensin-converting enzyme in both of their families has died rece ntly.Funny thing, Charlie ordain, juggling his keys, the lash, his date hold, and his crutches by the hour entrystep. Both bequests were from nonrelatives. experienced friends. No wonder women dont kindred you, you adept wont leave things al 1.Uh-huh, shaft utter, unconvinced. You know, when hoi polloi run, when they go as far as faking their own death to bug out away, they are usually running from something. Are you that something, Charlie?Ray, listen to yourself. Are you thorn on your serial-killer thing? I thought Rivera explained that.So this is for Rivera?Lets verify hes interested, Charlie verbalise. wherefore didnt you just say so?Charlie sighed. Ray, Im not supposed(a) to let the cat out of the bag slightly this stuff, you know that. Fourth Amendment and all. I came to you because youre good, and you bear contacts. I regard on you and I trust you. I think you know that you faeces depend on me and trust me, compensate? I mean, in all these years, Ive neer put your disability pension in jeopardy by universe careless close our arrangement, corroborate I?It was a threat, however subtle, and Charlie matte hard for doing it, moreover he just couldnt let Ray happen to push on this, particularly since he was in unexplored territorial dominion himself he didnt even know what kind of bluff he was coering.So Mrs. Johnson isnt dismission to end up dead(a) if I find her for you?I provide not lay a hand on Mrs. Johnson or Mrs. PojoMrs. Pokojo or that other fair sex either. You have my word on it. Charlie raised(a) his hand as if swearing on a Bible and dropped one of his crutches.Why dont you just use the flocke? Ray said.Right, Charlie said. He leaned the crutches on the door and move his weight on the bad leg and the cane. The doctors had, indeed, said that it was just a flesh wound, so thither was no tendon damage, just muscle, further it hurt the the wish wells ofs of stone to put whatsoever weight on that foot. T he cane would work, he decided. I should be adventure to relieve you before five. He limped out the door.Ray didnt uniform be lied to. Hed had quite enough of that from his desperate Filipinas and was becoming sensitive about being draw backn for a fool. Who did Charlie Asher think he was fooling? As soon as he got the store squared away, hed own Rivera a call and tincture out for himself.He went out into the store and did a puny dusting, because went to Charlies special rack, where he kept the weird estate items that he made such a fuss about. You were solo supposed to get by one to each customer, simply Ray had sold five of them to the very(prenominal) woman in the last two weeks. He knew he should have said something to Charlie, but really, why? Charlie wasnt being decipher competent with him about anything, it elatemed.Besides, the woman who bought the stuff was cute, and shed smiled at Ray. She had nice copper, a cute figure, and really smash light blue eyes. Plus there was something about her voice she confabmed so, what? Peaceful, whitethornbe. equal she knew that everything was way out to be okay and no one needed to worry. perhaps he was projecting. And she didnt have an Adams apple, which was a big plus in Rays book lately. Hed tried to get her crap, even get a look at something in her wallet, but shed paid in cash and had been as careful as a poker player covering her cards. If shed driven, shed parked as rise as far away for him to see her get into her car from the store, so there was no license human action to trace.He resolved to ask her boot if she came in today. And she was due to come in. She only came in when he was working(a) alone. Hed seen her check by dint of the window once when he was working with Lily, and only came into the store by and bywards when Lily was gone. He really hoped shed come in.He tried to calm himself work with for his call to Rivera. He didnt want to seem like a rube to a rib who was still on the job. He used his own cell phone for the call so Rivera would see it was him calling.Charlie didnt like leaving Sophie for this yearn, given what had happened a few days ago, but on the other hand, whatever might be threatening her was evidently being caused by his missing these two soul vessels. The quicker he fixed the problem, the quicker the threat would be diminished. Besides, the hellhounds were her best defense, and hed given express instructions to Mrs. Ling that the dogs and Sophie were not to be separated for any fall of time, for any reason.He took Presidio Boulevard by means of Golden Gate putting green into the Sunset, reminding himself to take Sophie to the Japanese Tea Garden to feed the koi, now that her abomination on pets seemed to have subsided.The Sunset district lay just sec of Golden Gate Park, bordered by the American Highway and ocean Beach on the west, and Twin Peaks and the University of San Francisco on the east. It had once been a suburb, until the city expanded to include it, and many of its houses were modest, single-story family dwellings, built en masse in the 1940s and 50s. They were like the mosaics of detailed boxes that peppered neighborhoods across the entire country in that postwar period, but in San Francisco, where so much had been built afterward the quake and fire of 06, then(prenominal) again in the economic skag of the late twentieth century, they seemed like anachronisms from both ends of time. Charlie felt like he was driving through the Eisenhower era, at least until he passed a start with a shaved head and tribal tattoos on her scalp button twins in a double stroller.genus Irena Posokovanovichs sister lived in a pure, one-story frame house with a delicate covered porch that had jasmine vines suppuration up trellises on either side and springing off into the air like morning-after-sex hair. The rest of the picayune yard was meticulously groomed, from the holly h brim at the pav ement to the red geraniums that lined the concrete path up to the house.Charlie parked a block away and walked to the house. On the way he was nearly run over by two different joggers, one a new(a) mother pushing a running stroller. They couldnt see him he was on track. straight off, how to go about getting in? And then what? If he was the Luminatus, then perhaps just his presence would take care of the problem.He check out around back and sawing machine that there was a car in the garage, but the shades were drawn on all the windows. Finally he decided on the frontal approach and rang the doorbell.A few seconds later a short woman in her seventies wearing a pink chenille housecoat opened the door. Yes, she said, looking a piffling suspicious as she eyed Charlies walking cast. She quickly flipped the lock on the silver screen door. Can I help you?It was the woman in the picture. Yes, maam, Im looking for Irena Posokovanovich.Well, shes not here, said Irena Posokovanovich. You must have the ravish house. She started to close the door.Wasnt there a death notice in the composing a couple of weeks ago? Charlie said. So far, his awesome presence as the Luminatus wasnt having much of an effect on her.Well, yes, I believe there was, said the woman, sensing an out. She opened the door a little more. It was such a tragedy. We all loved Irena so much. She was the kindest, most generous, most loving, mesmeric you know, for her age well-read And evidently didnt know that its considered common courtesy when you resign a death notice to actually die Charlie held out the overstated drivers-license picture. He considered adding aha but thought that might be a little over-the-top.Irena Posokovanovich slammed the door. I dont know who you are, but you have the wrong house, she said through the door.You know who I am, Charlie said. Actually, she probably had no idea who he was. And I know who you are, and you are supposed to have died three weeks ago.Youre mistake n. Now go away before I call the police and verbalise them that theres a rapist at my door.Charlie gagged a little, then pushed on. I am not a rapist, Mrs. PosoPosokev Im decease, Irena. Thats who I am. And you are overdue. You need to die, this minute if possible. Theres nothing to be afraid of. Its like exhalation to sleep, only, well Im not quick, Irena whined. If I was ready I wouldnt have left my home. Im not ready.Im sorry, maam, but I have to insist.Im sure youre mistaken. Perhaps other Mrs. Posokovanovich.No, here it is, right here in the schedule, with your address. Its you. Charlie held his date book revokeed to the page with her name on it up to the little window in the door.And you say that that is endings calendar?Thats correct, maam. Notice the date. And this is your second notice.And you are final stage?Thats right.Well, thats just silly.I am not silly, Mrs. Posokovanovich. I am Death.Arent you supposed to have a reaping hook and a long black robe?No, we don t do that anymore. Take my word for it, I am Death. He tried to sound really ominous.Death is always tall in the pictures. She was stand up on tiptoe, he could tell the way she kept bouncing up by the little window to get a look at him. You dont seem tall enough.Theres no height requirement.Then could I see your personal line of credit card?Sure. Charlie took out a card and held it against the crank.This says Purveyor of Fine Vintage Clothing and Accessories.Right on the dot He knew he should have had a second set of business cards printed up. And where do you think I get those things? From the dead. You see?Mr. Asher, Im going to have to ask you to leave.No, maam, Im going to have to insist that you pass away, this instant. Youre overdue.Go away You are a charlatan, and I think you need rational help.Death Youre fucking with Death Capital D, flakech Well, that was uncalled for. Charlie felt bad the second he said it. Sorry, he mumbled to the door.Im calling the police.You go ahead, Mrs. uh Irena. You know what theyll tell you, that youre dead It was in the Chronicle. They hardly ever print stuff thats not true.Please go away. I practiced for a long time so I could live longer, its not fair.What?Go away.I heard that part, I mean the part about practicing.Never you mind. You just go take someone else.Charlie actually had no idea what he would do if she let him in. Maybe he had to touch her for his Death abilities to heyday in. He remembered seeing an old Twilight Zone as a nestling, where Robert Redford was Death, and this old brothel keeper wouldnt let him in, so he pretended to be injured, and when she came to help himALA-KAZAM She croaked, and he peacefully led her off to Hole in the Wall, where she helped him produce independent movies. Maybe that would work. He did have the cast and the cane going for him.He looked up and down the street to make sure that no one could see him, then he lay down, half(a) on the little porch, half on the concre te steps. He threw his cane against the door and made sure that it clattered loudly on the concrete, then he let out what he thought was a very convince wail. Ahhhhhhhhh, Ive broken my leg.He heard footsteps inside and saw gray hair at the little window, bouncing a little so she could see out.Oh, it hurts, Charlie wailed. Help.More steps, the shade in the window to the right of the door separate and he saw an eye. He grimaced in fake pain.Are you all right? said Mrs. Posokovanovich.I need help. My leg was hurt before, but I slipped on your steps. I think Ive broken something. Theres blood, and a enchantment of bone sticking out. He kept his leg below the direct where she could see it.Oh my, she said. Give me a minute.Help. Please. The pain. So much pain. Charlie coughed the way cowboys do when they are dying in the dirt and things are getting all dark.He heard the latch being thrown, and then the inner door opened. Youre really hurt bad, she said.Please, Charlie said, holding h is hand out to her. Help me.She unsecured the screen. Charlie suppressed a grin. Oh, thank you, he gasped.She threw open the screen door and blasted him in the suit with a stream of pepper spray. I saw that Twilight Zone, you son of a bitch The doors slammed. The latch was thrown.Charlies face felt like it was on fire.When he could finally see well enough to walk, as he limped back to his van, he heard a female voice say, Id have let you in, lover. Then a refrain of spooky-girlish laughter erupted from the storm sewer. He backed against the van, ready to draw the leaf blade from the cane, but then he heard what sounded like a small dog barking in the sewer.Where did he come from? said one of the harpies.He bit me You little fuckerGet himI hate dogs. When we take over, no dogs.The barking faded away, followed by the voices of the sewer harpies. Charlie took a deep breath and tried to blink the pain out of his eyes. He needed to regroup, but then he was taking the old lady down, p epper spray or not.It took him the better part of an hour to get into position, but once he was ready, he put down the cinder block, flipped open his cell phone, and dialed the number hed gotten from information.A woman answered. Hello.Maam, this is the gas company, Charlie said in his best gas-company voice. My power system is showing pressure loss at your address. Were sending a hand truck right out, but you need to get everyone out of the house, right now.Well, Im the only one here right now, but Im sorry, I dont smell gas.It may be building up under the house, Charlie said, feeling proud of himself for being quick on his feet. Is there anyone else in the house?No, just me and my kitty, Samantha.Maam, occupy take the cat and go out by the street. Our truck will meet you there. Go right now, okay?Well, all right.Thank you, maam. Charlie clicked off. He could feel movement inside of the house. He moved right to the edge of the porch roof and raised the concrete cinder block ove r his head. Itll look like an accident, he thought, like a cinder block cut off the porch roof. He was glad that no one could see him up here. He was sweating from the climb, his armpits stained, his trousers wrinkled.He heard the door open and got ready to throw the cinder block as soon as his stigma emerged from under the roof.Good afternoon, maam. A mans voice, out by the street.Charlie looked down to see Inspector Rivera standing at the sidewalk, having just climbed out of an unmarked car. What the hell was he doing here?Are you the gas company? said Mrs. Posokovanovich.No, maam, Im from the San Francisco police. He flashed his badge.They told me there was a gas leak, she said.Thats been taken care of, maam. Could you step back inside and Ill check with you in a minute, okay?Well, okay, then.Charlie heard the doors open and close again. His arms were trembling from holding the cinder block over his head. He tried to breathe quietly, thinking that the sound of his wheezing migh t attract Riveras attention, make him visible.Mr. Asher, what are you doing up there?Charlie nearly befuddled his balance and went over. You can see me?Yes, sir, I certainly can. And I can also see that cinder block youre holding over your head.Oh, this old thing.What were you planning on doing with that?Repairs? Charlie tried. How could Rivera see him when he was in soul-vessel-retrieval mode?Im sorry, but I dont believe you, Mr. Asher. Youre going to have to drop the cinder block.Id or else not. It was really hard getting it up here.Be that as it may, Im going to have to insist that you drop it.I was planning on it, but then you showed up.Please. Indulge me. Look, youre sweating. Climb down and you can sit in my air-conditioned car with me. Well chat talk about Italian suits, the Giants I dont know why you were about to brain that sweet old lady with a cinder block. Air-conditioning, Mr. Asher wont that be nice?Charlie brought the cinder block down and rested it on his t bro ad(prenominal), feeling his trousers snagging beyond repair as he did so. Thats not much of an incentive. What am I, some primitive Amazon immanent? Ive had air-conditioning before. I have air-conditioning in my own van.Yes, Ill admit its not merely a weekend in Paris, but the next choice was that I shoot you off the roof, and they put you in a body bag, which is going to be sweltering on a warm day like this.Oh, well, yes, Charlie said. That does make air-conditioning sound a lot more inviting. Thanks. Im going to cast aside my brick down first, if thats okay?That would be great, Mr. Asher.Disillusioned with DesperateFilipinas, Ray was browsing through the selection of lonely first-grade teachers with masters degrees in nuclear physics on when she came through the door. He heard the bell and caught her out of the corner of his eye, and forgetting that his neck vertebrae were fused, he sprained the left side of his face trying to turn to see her.She saw him looking and smiled.Ray smiled back, then, out of the corner of his eye, saw the monitor with the photo of the first-grade teacher holding her breasts, and sprained the right side of his face trying to turn in time to punch the power button before she passed the counter. righteous browsing, said the love of his invigoration. How are you today?Hi, Ray said. In his mental rehearsals, he started with hi, and it just sort of burped out of him before he realised that it put him behind a beat. I mean, fine. Sorry. I was working.I can see that. Again the smile.She was so understanding, forgiving and kind, you could just tell that by her eyes. He knew in his heart that he would even sit through a hat movie for this woman. He would watch A board with a View AND The English Patient, back-to-back, just to share a pizza pie with her. And she would stop him from eating his service revolver halfway through the second movie, because thats just how she was compassionate.She made a show of browsing the store, but tw o minutes hadnt passed before she made for Charlies special shelf. Even the sign said SPECIAL ITEMS ONE PER CUSTOMER, but it didnt say if that was a per-day policy, or one per lifetime. Charlie hadnt really specified, now that Ray thought about it. Sure, Lily had yammered on about how important it was that they adhere to the policy, but that was Lily, she might have grown up some, but she was still disturbed.After a short time she picked up an electric alarm clock and brought it over to the counter. This was it. This was it. Ray heard the back door open.Will this be everything? he said.Yes, said the future Mrs. Ray Macy. Ive been looking for one like this.Yep, you cant beat a Sunbeam, Ray said. Thats two-sixteen with tax aw, heck, call it two even.Thats very nice of you, she said, digging into a small purse woven from colorful Guatemalan cotton thread.Hi, Ray, Lily said, suddenly standing there beside him like some evil phantom who appeared out of nowhere to leech every potential ly joyous moment out of his life.Hi, Lily, he said.Lily clicked some keys on the computer. Slowed down by his freshly sprained face, Ray wasnt able to turn before shed hit the power button on the monitor.Whats this? asked Lily.With his let go hand, Ray thumped Lily in the thigh under the counter.Ouch FreakIm sure youll make happy waking up with that, Ray said, handing the alarm clock to the woman who would be his queen.Thank you so much, said the lovely brunette goddess of all things Ray.By the way, Ray said, pushing on, youve been in a couple of times, I was wondering, you know, because Im peculiar(a) that way, uh, whats your name?Audrey.Hi, Audrey. Im Ray.Nice to meet you, Ray. Gotta go. Bye. She coild over her shoulder and headed out the door.Ray and Lily watched her walk away.Nice butt, Lily said.She said my name, Ray said.Shes a little bit I dont know unimaginary for you.Ray turned to the nemesis Lily. You have to watch the store. I have to go.Why?I have to follow her, fi nd out who she is. Ray began to gather his stuff phone, keys, baseball cap.Yeah, thats healthy, Ray.Tell Charlie I dont tell Charlie.Okay. So is it okay if I switch the computer from the pitiful Web site?What are you talking about?Lily stepped back from the screen and pointed to the letters as she read, Ukrainian Girls Loving You U-G-L-Y, ugly. Lily smiled, a perky, self-satisfied smile, like that kid who won the spelling bee in third grade. Didnt you hate that kid?Ray couldnt believe it. They werent even being subtle about it anymore. Cant talk, he said. Gotta go. He ran out the door and headed up Mason Street after the lovely and compassionate Audrey.Rivera had driven up to the Cliff House eating place overlooking Seal Rocks and forced Charlie to buy him a drink while they watched the surfers down on the beach. Rivera was not a morbid man, but he knew that if he came here enough times, eventually hed see a surfer get hit by a white shark. In fact, he sorely hoped that it wou ld happen, because otherwise, the world made no sense, there was no justice, and life was just a tangled ball of chaos. Thousands of seals in the water and on the rocks the mainstay of the white shark diet hundreds of surfers in the water, dressed like seals, well, it just needed to happen for all to be right with the world.I never believed you, Mr. Asher, when you said that you were Death, but since I couldnt explain whatever that thing was in the alley with you, didnt want to explain, in fact, I let it slide.And I appreciate that, said Charlie, showing a little discomfort at drinking a glaze over of wine with handcuffs on. His face was candy-apple red from having been burned by the pepper spray. Is this normal procedure for interrogations?No, Rivera said. Normally the city is supposed to pay, but Ill have the judge take the drinks off your sentence.Great. Thanks, Charlie said. And you can call me Charlie.Okay, and you can call me Inspector Rivera. Now, braining the old lady wi th the cinder block just exactly what were you thinking?Do I need a lawyer?Of course not, youre fine, this bar is full of witnesses. Rivera had once been a by-the-book kind of cop. That was before the demons, the giant owls, the bankruptcy, the polar bears, the vampires, the divorce, and the saber-clawed woman-thing that turned into a bird. Now, not so much.In that case, I was thinking that no one could see me, Charlie said.Because you were invisible?Not really. Just sort of not noticeable.Well, Ill give you that, but I dont think thats any reason to crush a grandmothers skull.You have no proof of that, Charlie said.Of course I do, Rivera said, holding up his glass to signal to the waitress that he needed another Glenfiddich on the rocks. I saw pictures of her grandchildren, she showed me when I went in the house.No, I mean you have no proof that I was going to crush her skull.I see, said Rivera, who did not see at all. How did you know Mrs. Posokovanovich?I didnt. Her name just sh owed up in my date book, like I showed you.Yes, you did. Yes, you did. But that doesnt really give you a license to kill her, now does it?Thats the point, she was supposed to be dead three weeks ago. There was even a death notice in the paper. I was just trying to make sure it was accurate.So in lieu of having the Chronicle print a correction, you thought youd bash in grannys brains.Well, it was that or have my daughter say kitty at her, and I pooh-pooh to exploit my child in that way.Well, I admire your taking the high ground on that one, Charlie, Rivera said, thinking, Who do I have to shoot to get a drink around here? But lets just say that for one millisecond I believe you, and the old lady was supposed to die, but didnt, and that because of it you were shot with a crossbow and that thing I shot in the alley appeared lets just say I believe all that, what am I supposed to do about it?You need to be careful, Charlie said. You may be turning into one of us.Pardon?Thats how it ha ppened to me. When my wife passed away, in the hospital, I saw the guy that came to collect her soul vessel, and wham, I was a Death Merchant. You saw me today, when no one else could, and you saw the sewer harpy, that night in the alley. Most of the time, Im the only one who can see them.Rivera really, really wanted to turn this guy over to a psychiatrist at the hospital and never see him again, but the problem was, he had seen the woman-thing, that night and another time on his own street, and he had seen reports of weird stuff chance in the City over the last two weeks. And not just normal San Francisco weird stuff, but really weird stuff, like a flock of ravens attacking a tourist in Coit Tower, and a guy who slammed his car through a storefront in Chinatown, state that he had swerved to miss a dragon, and people all over the Mission saying that theyd seen an iguana dressed like a musketeer going through their garbage, tiny sword and all.I can prove it, Charlie said. Just tak e me to the medicament store in the Castro.Rivera looked at the sad, naked ice cubes in his glass and said, Anyone ever tell you that its hard to follow your train of thought, Charlie?You need to talk to Minty Fresh.Of course, that clears things up. Ill have a word with Krispy Kreme while Im there.Hes also a Death Merchant. He can tell you that what Im telling you is true and you can let me go.Get up. Rivera stood.Im not finished with my wine.Leave the money for the drinks and get up, please. Rivera qualified his finger in Charlies handcuffs and pulled him up. Were going to the Castro.I dont think I can work my cane with these things on, Charlie said.Rivera sighed and looked down on the surfers. He thought he saw something large moving in a wave behind one surfer, but as his heart leapt at the prospect, a sea lion poked his whiskered face out of the curl and Riveras strong drink sank again. He threw Charlie the handcuff keys.Meet me in the car, I have to take a leak.I could escap e.You do that, Charlie after you pay.